Discovering Dominance

I have had the fortune of being a naturally born dominant. From my earliest dating days I was tying girls to chairs with my belt, blindfolding them with their stockings, and gagging them with their underwear before teasing and tormenting them until they were almost crying with need. I never considered what I did as particularly 'kinky', and it didn't fit in with what little I knew of BDSM - I didn't wear a lot of leather, nobody was masked, nobody got whipped.

I just thought I was being creative.

I went along, blissfully unaware of the nature of the power dynamic or what it was I was actually doing to those poor girls. None of them self-identified as submissives - I can only imagine what the experience must have been like from their perspective. All the sex I'd been having had been at least proto-D/s. I had no idea that other people did it differently.

Breaking Me In
Four or five years ago I went out with a girl I'd met on a dating site. She was very appealing to me - attractive, yes, but there was some other quality I couldn't quite place a finger on. She was, from the start, very into me as well, all but leaping into my arms after dinner and practically dragging me home with her. It was a miracle we made it all the way back to her place with our clothes intact; I swear she had at least one orgasm just from sucking on her tongue on the way there.

I admit I was a little confused when she broke out the DIY manacles and restraints and started throwing BDSM jargon at me. She had, for whatever reason, taken me for an experienced dominant, but I was able to roll with things well enough to figure out what it was she wanted. It was only after the sex that I told her I didn't really know what she'd been talking about. A long discussion ensued, followed by some internet research on my part, and BAM. My sexuality had found a context.

Time Flows On
I'll never forget that girl. She was amazing, and I don't think I was entirely capable of appreciating that at the time. My first steps into BDSM were a bit jerky and unpolished - I had power, but without refinement or focus, and a lot of the subtleties of the dom-sub dynamic simply slipped me by. She was the first girl since I'd been having open relationships to see me for more than a few weeks, and I think - in the end - I let her down a bit. I don't regret it, really, or the sad way that it ended, with her screaming at me from her apartment that I was an emotional robot incapable of feeling - even bad experiences teach us valuable lessons - but I do regret that the bridge has been burnt, and that there's nothing she'll let me do to make up for it.

Life goes on, and so do I.